Shifting Focus

My life almost always facilitates between two extremes. The one being that life is swirling around me in an angry whirlwind, and the centrifugal force of it all is sucking me full speed into the vortex, which leads into an abyss of nothingness… The OTHER being that I am running up the stairs of the Philadelphia Museum of Art punching my fists in the air… kicking life right in the nuts.

(my brother is to blame for any testicular humor in this post)

So when I don’t post for months at a time, it is most likely that I am swirling, and when I post, I am kicking- A and taking names. It is always nice to wait until you emerge from the abyss to post things to the world wide web (I have 5 unpublished posts that will probably never see the light of day)

This last year has been a challenge for me. Ummm lets see. I often wave my fist in the air yelling at the moon and blaming it on Utah, but that is not entirely it (even though Utah kind of sucks). Since I moved here I have been surrounded by people who seemingly have way way way way way more money than I do. I live in “Jonesville.” It just so happens that we are in probably the biggest financial pit of our marriage so far… so when people around me are blowing their noses with twenties it kind of gets under my skin.

I have been battling with a lot of anger and feelings surrounding money. It has been kind of an eye opening experience to see how deeply rooted my feelings and emotions are about wealth and poverty. But somewhere through the tears and anger of it all, I was able to stop letting the tornado throw me around and start taking action.

I was able to make quite a pretty penny selling mushrooms with my friend this summer… It actually helped us not to completely sink into the money pit, AND I was able to sell hats (in the summer no less!!!) . I updated my resume and I have been looking into becoming an aerobic instructor and possibly a health coach of some sort. We are still poor as dirt, but I feel good knowing that I am trying.

The other day I was at the park with Chuck and the girls and we were flying kites. Chuck said something to the effect of, it’s hard to think about being poor when your flying a kite.

I don’t know how many times in my life I will have to re-learn this. But often just changing what you are focusing on can seem to change your whole life. There really isn’t much good that can be done by focusing on what you don’t have, because lets face it there is always more stuff that you don’t have, so it is a never ending pursuit. So I have been trying to shift my focus to what I do have…. and be happy with that.

And so here is the post about some of the things that make me forget I am poor….

Living in America – I wonder if James Brown’s voice just rang in your head. Just the sight of the old Red, White and Blue waving in the air reminds me that I have it pretty darn good. Freedom of religion, and speech, interstate highways, clean water, and who could overlook our military which protects an defends us (thanks cousin Abby and Troy!). Sometimes Chuck tells me stories about living in the Philippians… no hot water for showers… NO TOILET PAPER… and I think, ok I’m not that poor.

My Mom – Bless her soul, there is nobody that makes us feel richer than having my mom around. Well first of all because she is a grandma, and second because my mom’s love language is and always has been GIFTS. She loves to give you stuff whenever she is around. But it’s not just the stuff, having your mom around is just comforting. It’s nice because mom’s just know how to fix stuff and make you feel better. She came and stayed with us for a while last month, we all loved it and felt ABUNDANTLY blessed.

Making Stuff – be it arts an crafts, or a great loaf of bread… creating things feels good. It is rewarding to see the expression on my husbands face when we have little to no food in the house and I can transform scraps into a gourmet meal… it blows his mind every time. I like it when I see something I really like but have no money for and and can reproduce it myself with stuff around my house. That’s how this painting was. I saw an artist I really liked on Etsy, but there was not way I could buy one of her paintings, so I decided to try my hand in making one of my own in a similar style and Viola! Someday, if I am ever loaded I will buy something from her just because I think she is fabulous!

FREE STUFF – Here is Daphnie enjoying the local splash pad, and a dum dum sucker complimentary of our local Well’s Fargo teller. Thank heavens for the free stuff in this world. People will tell you nothing in life is free… but actually Kid’s Eat free at IKEA on Tuesday’s, you can go to Cabella’s and look at all the fish and stuffed animals with no obligation to buy, oh.. and there are FREE samples at COSCO all the time, sometimes we just go to walk around and snack… and pretty much my entire house has been furnished with stuff we got for absolutely nothing, be it gifts or roadside finds.

NATURE – This is Deer Creek Reservoir in Provo Canyon. It is the first “lake” I have been to since I moved from Minnesota. It was a fun trip my friends let me drive her jet ski… it was my first time and I loved it.  The drive up is pretty great as well, especially when you don’t have anyone in the car screaming at you. Nature makes me forget I’m poor because it reminds me that God is nearer than I realize sometimes. Nature is rich, it is breath taking, luxurious and vibrant by just being in it your feel increased. You don’t have to look hard in the scriptures to understand God’s feelings about money and poverty. Consider the Lilly’s often comes to mind.

DISCOVERY– When you have young kids most things are a new and exciting adventure. This is me and the girls leaning about Dinosaurs at the local museum. I love learning new things, and I love watching my kids learn them. It seems there are endless things to learn, and we are so lucky because with the internet, learning new things is often just a click away. But there is nothing like having the actual experience or getting to try something hands on.

IMAGINATION– Dr. Seuss said it this way… “I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it’s a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life’s realities.”

MUSIC- Maybe I should add dancing as well. Around here dealing with our problems usual involves some sort of musical therapy… I STILL NEED SOME BONGOS!!! Right now Chuck is working on a meditation CD, it has been nice to have him writing peaceful and calming music…. and then sometimes we just have dance parties in the living room to pass the time and improve everyone’s mood.

I don’t like being poor, I really hope it doesn’t last my whole life… but in the meantime I’m a much happier person when I can stop obsessing about it and just enjoy what I got.

One day at a time.

Advertisements

About tacycall

I am a mommy of four little ones. Two girls (5 and 3) and two boys (3 years and 5 months) This only consumes about 95% of my life. I try to squeeze as much as I can into the other 5%. I am a stay at home mom with dreams of owning a hobby farm with my husband and recreating the garden of Eden in my backyard. I crochet , keep bees and spend time with my hubby, cook, read and of course do a little writing.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to Shifting Focus

  1. Grandma Krause says:

    I can’t remember who said it, but they said I have been broke many times in my life, but I have never been poor. Broke is having no money. Poor is a state of mind. I think you may be broke, but definetly not poor.

  2. i can totally relate, tacy! like you, we are also at the biggest financial pit of our marriage so far. i’ve also shared similar feelings about being bitter and angry so i’m glad you shared this. believe it or not, reading this post actually makes me feel a little better about life 🙂

    Hang in there!

  3. Kirsten H. Kennedy says:

    Tacy,
    I can also relate and understand the intimate relationship each of us has with money, our ideas of what wealth looks like and abundance. In the truest sense you have always been rich beyond most peoples wildest dreams. You have love, a wonderful marriage and amazing children. You are beautiful, talented and funny, I remain in AWE of you .

    P.S. you are one terrific writer.

  4. Well! I love your honesty. I am so glad when I read honest posts like this and try to be honest on my blog, too. We have to be real 🙂

    Yes, I can imagine that living in Utah is a challenge because people are so materialistic (that is a generalization, but it was my experience there.)! I think it’s good to remember that Utah is number one in the country for bankruphcy. As you know, credit cards and lines of credit are very, very easy to come by. Things are rarely, rarely what they appear to be on the outside, all that glitters is rarely gold. It takes self-control and modesty to be truly financially secure. Solid financial foundations take years to build 🙂 Go easy on yourself!

    Like grandma Krause, I believe poor is a state of mind. I’ve known some incredibly happy and kind wealthy people and lower-income people and also the opposite. Some of the most dissatisfied, unhappy and demanding people I know are quite well to do. I think having a lot of money creates pressures, and some argue it’s harder/worse than growing up lower-income.

    In today’s world it’s hard to keep perspective. I love your list, all of those kinds I can attest are such uplifting, fun things that do enrich one’s life.

    You are going to be fine. This is a special season in your life and things always change. Someday you’ll have more freedom financially and you’ll look back on this time in your life as one of learning and also with fondness for how your learned and loved the simple pleasures 🙂

  5. Mary Krause says:

    Thank you for your kind words, Tacy. I always LOVE being around you all, because YOU are my wealth! Nothing makes me more happy than the times I spend with my children…you are all amazing people. I think I shared with you the fact that your Dad and I were at the same stage you are at now when we were young marrieds with small children. My deepest, happiest joys come in the memories of the times I spent with you, watching you grow. When Ben came over last night to tell his Dad “Happy Birthday” and “Have a great trip [on the motorcycle]” my heart swelled to know that we have Love in this family…When you find that your children have grown into amazing individuals, you shall know how wealthy you truly are.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s