There is a breed of person that exists in this United States of America, and they are very curious to observe. Upon first view you might be tempted to label these individuals as “Rednecks” yet this is an entirely different creature… however a redneck CAN ALSO be an Americana Tourist Junkie.
My observations of this phenomenon were conducted during my honeymoon. And just in case you were wondering for our honeymoon we spent two nights in a suite at a local hotel, then drove to Wisconsin Dells stayed in the Pink Flamingo 🙂 and tried to go to the waterpark… but for some unforeseen reason they closed it the only day we were there, even though they advertise rain or shine. But we ended up playing basketball and eating at Houlihans instead… to me this was equally exciting because my Rosemary Chicken at Houlihans was FABULOUS! It was in Wisconsin Dells that we entered what can only be described as the Mecca of Touristy Shops and Trinkets that initially looked to attract children into begging their parents to buy them things, but Chuck and I soon realized that much of the crud was aimed at adults, tacky and ridiculous to say the least. The thought kept circling in our minds… “Who the heck buys this junk?” “Are there actually human beings who invest their hard earned money in such things?” The answer to the above questions are Americana Tourist Junkies, and Yes respectively.
For the rest of the honeymoon we cruised around the North Shore and Duluth in an RV that Chuck borrowed from someone at Church…. It was awesome, well until we had to dump the “waste” (aka Poop) that we had been hauling around with us. Which if you don’t have an RV just imagine saving all of your toilet flushing for four days, combining them with someone Else’s and letting them slop around under a hot machine. I am sure that was enough mental image to make you not want to read anymore but without further adu… here are the TOP TEN ways you know that you are an Americana Tourist Junkie.
10. Games of Mini Golf and Bumper Boats never seem to get old to you.
09. You see Signs for museums such as this and get REALLY excited that you might get to actually see someone get tortured before your very eyes, or even better have someone take pictures of you pretending to be tortured!!!!
08. You think it will be “Fun” to get temporary tattoos with your friends to show off on the water slide:
07. You are wearing a T-Shirt that has Neon Print, a Peace Sign and or Says something extremely crass…. You bought it at a T-Shirt Warehouse where you spent 2 hours reading all of the sayings on T-Shirts and Laughing wildly with the people you were with.
06. Even though admission is $10.00 a person; your curiosity can not hold you back from seeing…
05. Every time you go on Vacation you feel the desire to document your trip by having an Old Timey photo taken with your family:
04. You see billboards like this for the Tommy Bartlet Ski show and believe that watching group ski tricks will make your hair do that.
03. You ate lunch at the Moose Jaw Pizza parlor…. ok so maybe that only applies for Minnesota/ Wisconsin Tourist Junkies
02. You do not have any real currency in your pockets, it has all been cashed in for game tokens and prize tickets… you hope that before you go home you will be able to buy that mammoth stuffed Tasmanian Devil.
01. And the number one way that you can tell you are an Americana Tourist Junkie is that when at the Old Timey Photo shop you thought it would be nice to have a framed photo taken of your baby pretending to drink a bottle of hard liquor… and hold a gun… now isn’t that precious 🙂